My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
These tits shall not be calmed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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