Even the bartender felt bad for me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
