How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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