That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i think my cat just said my name.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
