I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
