just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
