I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
