Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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