dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
