Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize