It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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