Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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