At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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