hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
