He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
