dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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