There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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