I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
