Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
