just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
