My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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