Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
