I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
