Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
