He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
