I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
