those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
