Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
