we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
