My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
