only if we run a train.
done.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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