My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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