I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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