yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
