I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
