i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
