i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
