I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
