Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
