Only a mothe r could love this liver
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
