I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
