well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
