i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
