8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
