I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
