i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
