..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
