She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
