I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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