We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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