Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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