So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
