fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
