Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
