He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
