You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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