somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
