I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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