I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
