And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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