I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
