im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
