I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
