is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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