Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
