you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
