your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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