Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
