Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
