lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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