I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
