Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
