Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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