2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
