Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
